The closure of an important life chapter

We are still awaiting the go-ahead from our local council authorities to enable us to
downsize and move to alternative accommodation. Things are progressing slowly
and paperwork is being accessed as I write this, so we remain hopeful and keep our
fingers crossed for a successful outcome.
In the meantime, Ricky`s dementia has taken another turn. Whilst on a week long
vocation with him visiting his eldest daughter and seeing other grandkids he suffered
what doctors call a facial palsy, or in layman`s terms a mini stroke.
There was thankfully no damage to his speech, but it has left him with a tingling
feeling on the left side of his face, although there are no apparent signs of distortions
to his facial features. The dementia has once again struck another blow, and Rick is
still in denial. He complains about the tingling and sometimes not feeling sensation
on top of the head, but he is not ready to accept that he has this infliction.
The last work place he had held over 5 years ago rang his mobile phone whilst we
were on vacation and were asking him if he would be interested in re-joining their
work force.
Unbeknown to me at first, Rick had agreed to go for an interview with them this
Monday.Thankfully, he had told me and his daughter all about it some time later, so
we both were having stern words with him not even to consider such action, as we
knew too well that Rick could not possibly take any job at all due to his health issues.
That he had convinced himself that all was well and he was able to return to work
after his 5 year redundancy had shocked his daughter to the core. She had not been
aware how much hard work he had become to be for me, as she didn`t see him often.
Both of us took some time to plead with him not to be so foolish and to ignore any
advances of his previous job place. He had to promise to us not to take it any further,
as we are in the process of getting his independent living allowance sorted as well as
my full time carers allowance. Any of his foolishness could well hamper all of our
efforts in getting him his well deserved benefits. Just to be on the safe side of things,
I visited his former work place and spoke to the manager about his health issues,
assuring him that it was quite out of the question for Rick ever to go back to work.
The manager was surprised and sad to hear about Rick`s mental as well as physical
decline and wished us well for the future. I felt as if I had just driven a knife into my
loved one`s ribs as I spoke about his physical and mental inabilities. But, what else
could I have done to prevent him from making the biggest mistake of his life?
Preventing him from applying for a job might seem so harsh, but will ultimately save
his life. With his 26 % lung capacity caused by COPD, the mini strokes he has had,
his diabetes and the onset of dementia he would be a prime candidate for collapse
through exhaustion on the first day of ever taking on a job. I would never be able to
forgive myself if anything was to happen to Rick because I allowed him to take up
work. His doctor would have a fit if she knew that Rick even contemplated going
back to work. So, what`s done is done  and I can now breath a sigh of relieve
knowing I prevented a total disaster.
Rick`s life will be changed forever, and we hope that he can eventually accept the
way things will have to be from now on. What I did had to be done for his own
good, however hard this was to do.
His dementia is slowly progressing. On our vocation he managed to lose our house
keys. Thank goodness, a neighbour friend of ours who often keeps an eye on our
home when we are away had another set of keys lodged with her. It made me realize
that I can no longer let him be in charge of important papers, objects or decisions.
I can`t let him make decisions on both of our behalves anymore. So, our joint decision
of downsizing is now beginning to look better already. Rick will be secure in knowing
that his health needs are met, and I shall be much happier knowing that I can dedicate
more quality time to his care.

On a much more positive note; Rick`s angry outbursts have improved and he seems
less agitated, calmer, but more physically needy. He needs much more help with
getting dressed, having a bath or shower, but more forgetful.
He needs lots of prompting to take his daily medication for his diabetes, but his mood
has improved, so I feel more relaxed around him. We managed to travel on the trains
to see his daughter and even took my granddaughter along on our vocation, as Rick
seems much better to handle when she is around. It meant that I had to take care of 2
children on this vocation; one being himself, the other my 4 year old granddaughter
Alyssa. As both had good times I came home totally exhausted. But, luckily for us,
we shall be going on a second vocation without my grandchild. A break, just being
with other adults was arranged by Rick`s daughters, so we are due to travel by plane
to Bulgaria to visit his sister. 2 weeks should be plenty of time to give me occasional
rest needed to recuperate. And, hopefully after that break abroad we should receive
news from the council authorities on a possible move to our forever home.
 

In denial

Vascular dementia has started and my partner lives in denial of it all.
He has some cognitive limits, often feels week and tired, has episodes where
he experiences numbness in limbs, his legs might buckle under him and his
speech is not as clear as it used to be. He will occasionally twist and use his
words wrong, often without noticing that he did so. For example: he asked
for a specific meal to be cooked, and what should have been 'steak and kidney
pudding' had come out of his mouth as 'steak and puddney kid' instead. He
was not sure that he had said it correctly, so asked me for clarification on it.
At least, this time he was somewhat aware that something had gone wrong.
But, often than not he will say the wrong word in a conversation when he
had meant something else altogether with it, without realizing the mistake.
Despite such happenings he seems to think that there is nothing wrong with
him at all. He can`t even realize that his aggressive behaviour at times is a
sign of his dementia. He convinced himself that all`s well and says that it is
me that has changed. He accuses me of treating him like a child, and wants
me to drop the 'condescending' act. Even when he says this the word itself
comes out twisted, but he has not noticed it himself. I don`t try to correct
him on this as it would spark another argument and aggressive flair-up.
I`m not sure at the moment how to tackle this problem and hope to be able
to discuss matters with our GP at the next appointment. My partner has to
be persuaded to accept the fact that he has dementia and assured that me
and the medical professions will do all that we can to help and care for him.
How to convince him that he truly has this disease is something I need to
find an answer to, as caring for him at home can be very frustrating and
stressful at times. He`s always telling everyone that he`s fine when in fact
he`s not, thus avoiding the issue of having to deal with reality. All I can
hope for is that with passing time things might get easier for both of us.