The closure of an important life chapter

We are still awaiting the go-ahead from our local council authorities to enable us to
downsize and move to alternative accommodation. Things are progressing slowly
and paperwork is being accessed as I write this, so we remain hopeful and keep our
fingers crossed for a successful outcome.
In the meantime, Ricky`s dementia has taken another turn. Whilst on a week long
vocation with him visiting his eldest daughter and seeing other grandkids he suffered
what doctors call a facial palsy, or in layman`s terms a mini stroke.
There was thankfully no damage to his speech, but it has left him with a tingling
feeling on the left side of his face, although there are no apparent signs of distortions
to his facial features. The dementia has once again struck another blow, and Rick is
still in denial. He complains about the tingling and sometimes not feeling sensation
on top of the head, but he is not ready to accept that he has this infliction.
The last work place he had held over 5 years ago rang his mobile phone whilst we
were on vacation and were asking him if he would be interested in re-joining their
work force.
Unbeknown to me at first, Rick had agreed to go for an interview with them this
Monday.Thankfully, he had told me and his daughter all about it some time later, so
we both were having stern words with him not even to consider such action, as we
knew too well that Rick could not possibly take any job at all due to his health issues.
That he had convinced himself that all was well and he was able to return to work
after his 5 year redundancy had shocked his daughter to the core. She had not been
aware how much hard work he had become to be for me, as she didn`t see him often.
Both of us took some time to plead with him not to be so foolish and to ignore any
advances of his previous job place. He had to promise to us not to take it any further,
as we are in the process of getting his independent living allowance sorted as well as
my full time carers allowance. Any of his foolishness could well hamper all of our
efforts in getting him his well deserved benefits. Just to be on the safe side of things,
I visited his former work place and spoke to the manager about his health issues,
assuring him that it was quite out of the question for Rick ever to go back to work.
The manager was surprised and sad to hear about Rick`s mental as well as physical
decline and wished us well for the future. I felt as if I had just driven a knife into my
loved one`s ribs as I spoke about his physical and mental inabilities. But, what else
could I have done to prevent him from making the biggest mistake of his life?
Preventing him from applying for a job might seem so harsh, but will ultimately save
his life. With his 26 % lung capacity caused by COPD, the mini strokes he has had,
his diabetes and the onset of dementia he would be a prime candidate for collapse
through exhaustion on the first day of ever taking on a job. I would never be able to
forgive myself if anything was to happen to Rick because I allowed him to take up
work. His doctor would have a fit if she knew that Rick even contemplated going
back to work. So, what`s done is done  and I can now breath a sigh of relieve
knowing I prevented a total disaster.
Rick`s life will be changed forever, and we hope that he can eventually accept the
way things will have to be from now on. What I did had to be done for his own
good, however hard this was to do.
His dementia is slowly progressing. On our vocation he managed to lose our house
keys. Thank goodness, a neighbour friend of ours who often keeps an eye on our
home when we are away had another set of keys lodged with her. It made me realize
that I can no longer let him be in charge of important papers, objects or decisions.
I can`t let him make decisions on both of our behalves anymore. So, our joint decision
of downsizing is now beginning to look better already. Rick will be secure in knowing
that his health needs are met, and I shall be much happier knowing that I can dedicate
more quality time to his care.

On a much more positive note; Rick`s angry outbursts have improved and he seems
less agitated, calmer, but more physically needy. He needs much more help with
getting dressed, having a bath or shower, but more forgetful.
He needs lots of prompting to take his daily medication for his diabetes, but his mood
has improved, so I feel more relaxed around him. We managed to travel on the trains
to see his daughter and even took my granddaughter along on our vocation, as Rick
seems much better to handle when she is around. It meant that I had to take care of 2
children on this vocation; one being himself, the other my 4 year old granddaughter
Alyssa. As both had good times I came home totally exhausted. But, luckily for us,
we shall be going on a second vocation without my grandchild. A break, just being
with other adults was arranged by Rick`s daughters, so we are due to travel by plane
to Bulgaria to visit his sister. 2 weeks should be plenty of time to give me occasional
rest needed to recuperate. And, hopefully after that break abroad we should receive
news from the council authorities on a possible move to our forever home.
 

Changes in character and eating habits

We are in the full throws of downsizing our belongings, de-cluttering and packing
whatever we are taking with us when we move to a 2 bed flat. He`s obsessed with
controlling the process of it all. I have to be careful about what goes in the bin as
he will demand that it stays even if the item is no longer needed or wanted.
It`s becoming increasingly difficult to tolerate his anger outbursts and accusations.
There is an ugly face to this dementia that has changed my loving partner into an
ever more complaining, OCD lead person, increasingly demanding and forever set
in his ways, controlling my every move, wanting to determine how things are to be
done, what I can say or do twenty four seven. It now often leaves me in tears as his
stubborn verbal combats take their toll. I long for some unity, agreeability and most
of all peace and harmony. But, I know that this is not forthcoming.
He`s losing his abilities to control his phone or manage some tasks on the computer,
repeatedly typing the wrong spellings, pressing the wrong buttons, making him more
irritable and angry as a result. He`s becoming agitated and frustrated with himself, too.
He`ll burst into verbal aggression against the phone or computer. Talking to himself
is another sign of his mental decline.
Trying to provide nourishing meals and drinks for both of us is also a struggle when
he often complains about taste and textures of meals. Whatever he used to love in
the past has now become intolerable to him. His taste buds are forever changing now,
making meal planning a nightmare scenario. I hate to waste food or money, but have
days when his dinner ends up in the bin for apparently little or no reason. It`s so very
frustrating. I wish there was a better way, but his behaviour will not let me find it.
End of June we have a doctors appointment where the result of a brain scan will be
revealed. I`m dreading the outcome already.