Our future no longer in limbo.

Well, we had made it safely to our holiday destination. DB was more agitated than
before about flying, but we did manage it well enough not to get too many problems.
It does, however flag up concerns for any future travel with him when it comes to
traversing through crowded places. - It took us a few days to get him settled after
travelling, but as we were staying with his sister and her husband we were in good
hands. And, by the end of the first week of our vacation he was feeling more relaxed
and happier in the new environment. His mood improved and his behaviour was more
like he used to be before all the troubles with dementia. We took a few outings on our
own and he seemed quite happy to engage in sightseeing, days spent at the sandy
beach, swimming in the Black Sea and generally chilling. The vacation did us both
the world of good. He slept better at night, albeit helped by a few pints of beer he
consumed during some of our stay. He enjoyed the foods we ate in restaurants as
well as at his sisters home in Bulgaria. I could finally relax and see his health improve
with the fresh air, the sunshine and the laid back atmosphere that was all around us.

We`ve come back home refreshed, with a slight sun tan for me and a dark brown tan
for him, which makes him look as if he had spent a long time abroad. The fortnights
vacation in Bulgaria has certainly made good memories for us. We had spent time in
good company, meeting his cousin Jenny and her hubby in the second weeks stay, too.
So, there were evenings with card games for Rick, eating out at exciting places, some
nights cooking Curries at his sisters place and plenty of new experiences, new places
to explore during our stay and a few new friendships formed with the locals.
For the first time in ages he forgot to cause arguments; we actually laughed more
together, and he was eventually more loving towards me again. By the end of our
vacation I had the feeling that we had finally turned a more positive corner with this
dementia.
One week after our vacation and we still were waiting for our local council to contact
us about our wish to downsize. I rang their offices and was told that our application
had not been accessed yet, but due to high demands they would have to take more
time to do so.
We felt slightly deflated about the future prospect after that phone call. - Just two days
after my call I received a return phone call from the relevant office to tell me that our
application had been approved and we should get a confirmation letter to allow us
now to move forward. We are elated! - Our plans to move to our 'Forever Home' are
now back on track with authority`s approval. With a little bit of luck we should be able
to celebrate Christmas this year in our new home. Such a relief after all we have been
through already.
DB`s mood has stabilized for now and I can actually enjoy his company again at times.
He`s more optimistic and feels better in himself again as a brain scan result has also
come back from the Neurologist, re-assuring him that what he`s suffering from is only
to be expected from a previously heavy smoker like himself. The neurologist is also
convinced that DB is suffering from a form of depression. Finally having been given a
diagnosis has helped Rick to feel more settled in himself now. We both feel more able
to cope with whatever the future holds for us from now on. - Onwards and upwards!

The closure of an important life chapter

We are still awaiting the go-ahead from our local council authorities to enable us to
downsize and move to alternative accommodation. Things are progressing slowly
and paperwork is being accessed as I write this, so we remain hopeful and keep our
fingers crossed for a successful outcome.
In the meantime, Ricky`s dementia has taken another turn. Whilst on a week long
vocation with him visiting his eldest daughter and seeing other grandkids he suffered
what doctors call a facial palsy, or in layman`s terms a mini stroke.
There was thankfully no damage to his speech, but it has left him with a tingling
feeling on the left side of his face, although there are no apparent signs of distortions
to his facial features. The dementia has once again struck another blow, and Rick is
still in denial. He complains about the tingling and sometimes not feeling sensation
on top of the head, but he is not ready to accept that he has this infliction.
The last work place he had held over 5 years ago rang his mobile phone whilst we
were on vacation and were asking him if he would be interested in re-joining their
work force.
Unbeknown to me at first, Rick had agreed to go for an interview with them this
Monday.Thankfully, he had told me and his daughter all about it some time later, so
we both were having stern words with him not even to consider such action, as we
knew too well that Rick could not possibly take any job at all due to his health issues.
That he had convinced himself that all was well and he was able to return to work
after his 5 year redundancy had shocked his daughter to the core. She had not been
aware how much hard work he had become to be for me, as she didn`t see him often.
Both of us took some time to plead with him not to be so foolish and to ignore any
advances of his previous job place. He had to promise to us not to take it any further,
as we are in the process of getting his independent living allowance sorted as well as
my full time carers allowance. Any of his foolishness could well hamper all of our
efforts in getting him his well deserved benefits. Just to be on the safe side of things,
I visited his former work place and spoke to the manager about his health issues,
assuring him that it was quite out of the question for Rick ever to go back to work.
The manager was surprised and sad to hear about Rick`s mental as well as physical
decline and wished us well for the future. I felt as if I had just driven a knife into my
loved one`s ribs as I spoke about his physical and mental inabilities. But, what else
could I have done to prevent him from making the biggest mistake of his life?
Preventing him from applying for a job might seem so harsh, but will ultimately save
his life. With his 26 % lung capacity caused by COPD, the mini strokes he has had,
his diabetes and the onset of dementia he would be a prime candidate for collapse
through exhaustion on the first day of ever taking on a job. I would never be able to
forgive myself if anything was to happen to Rick because I allowed him to take up
work. His doctor would have a fit if she knew that Rick even contemplated going
back to work. So, what`s done is done  and I can now breath a sigh of relieve
knowing I prevented a total disaster.
Rick`s life will be changed forever, and we hope that he can eventually accept the
way things will have to be from now on. What I did had to be done for his own
good, however hard this was to do.
His dementia is slowly progressing. On our vocation he managed to lose our house
keys. Thank goodness, a neighbour friend of ours who often keeps an eye on our
home when we are away had another set of keys lodged with her. It made me realize
that I can no longer let him be in charge of important papers, objects or decisions.
I can`t let him make decisions on both of our behalves anymore. So, our joint decision
of downsizing is now beginning to look better already. Rick will be secure in knowing
that his health needs are met, and I shall be much happier knowing that I can dedicate
more quality time to his care.

On a much more positive note; Rick`s angry outbursts have improved and he seems
less agitated, calmer, but more physically needy. He needs much more help with
getting dressed, having a bath or shower, but more forgetful.
He needs lots of prompting to take his daily medication for his diabetes, but his mood
has improved, so I feel more relaxed around him. We managed to travel on the trains
to see his daughter and even took my granddaughter along on our vocation, as Rick
seems much better to handle when she is around. It meant that I had to take care of 2
children on this vocation; one being himself, the other my 4 year old granddaughter
Alyssa. As both had good times I came home totally exhausted. But, luckily for us,
we shall be going on a second vocation without my grandchild. A break, just being
with other adults was arranged by Rick`s daughters, so we are due to travel by plane
to Bulgaria to visit his sister. 2 weeks should be plenty of time to give me occasional
rest needed to recuperate. And, hopefully after that break abroad we should receive
news from the council authorities on a possible move to our forever home.
 

Not all is lost

Well, what can I say. Our future move to easier accommodation seemed to have been
a lost cause. Just as we were giving up all hope of ever reaching our goal, another,
option has come our way. - The family we were originally going to swap with had
found an alternative to everyone`s dilemma. They would be willing to move to a
2 bedroomed house in our area if we could promise the family from the 2 bedroom
home that our house would be available to them, thus giving us the option to still
move to the flat we wanted. In fact, a three way swap was suggested that would solve
the housing problems of three different parties in one swoop. It does sound ideal for
our needs, so we went ahead and filled out all necessary forms for our housing office,
hoping that they finally qualify us for a move to the 2 bedroom flat we wish to have.
All relevant parties would be in agreement and willing to organise a moving date that
is convenient for all. We once again have to await decisions from the authorities before
we can go ahead with further formalities, but it seems that we might finally be on the
right track, having handed in all relevant medical back-up forms to the housing office
about my partners health problems. We keep fingers and toes crossed for a mutually
beneficial outcome for all, now.
My partners cognitive problems are still under investigation as we still wait for the
results of a brain scan that was done end of May. In the meantime, he has been given
some helpful medication to address his deficiency in Folic Acid, which seem to have
improved his mood and lowered his verbal combativeness considerably. A positive
step in the right direction and a massive relieve to me, as the stress of coping with his
outbursts was beginning to take its toll on my health and wellbeing. I`m calmer now
and can cope much better with him at home. On top of this we had been treated well
by my partners two daughters. They gave him a fantastic Fathers Day and Birthday
present combined. We are going on holiday to Bulgaria to visit my partners sister.
Flights and overnight stay at a hotel connected to the airport were paid by his two
caring girls who are aware that my partner might not be able to travel much more in
the future. This way he can at least enjoy his visit to his sister as he is still physically
and mentally able to cope with such travel this year. A fabulous surprise to us both,
and we are now looking forward to this trip on the 23rd of August, spending 2 weeks
in Bulgaria with his sister and her hubby, sampling good home cooked meals and
hopefully enjoying good company and swimming in the warm waters of the Black
Sea. Hot weather is always guaranteed at that time of year, but we should be able to
cope with it well enough as his sisters house has air condition. This welcomed break
will hopefully charge our batteries so that we can then embark on a possible move to
our forever home, thereafter. It`s going to be quite a task to move with all our worldly
possessions even after a major de-clutter, so I appreciate this holiday break a lot.
So, it seems that not all was lost initially when our housing authority refused our first
application for a move to downsize. With a little bit of luck we do hope that things now
can work in our favour after all; fingers well and truly crossed!

Our future plans are hampered

Everything was going seemingly swimming for our intended downsizing move when the
local authorities suddenly decided that we had not applied correctly or gone through the
correct procedure and channels for our intended move. For us to qualify for a move from
our 3 bed house to a 2 bed flat we must re-apply to the correct departments and await their
approval.The only way we might qualify to move to a 2 bed property instead of a 1 bed
flat hinges on authorities giving their permission on medical grounds for my partners need
of his own bedroom. Nobody had made us aware of such permission having to be given,
so we had been unaware of the need to prove his needs for his own bedroom. Important
information and a letter from our GP had been lost in the process, so we now have to start
from scratch again, hoping to get all information and needed proof in place first before we
can await permission from authorities for a successful property exchange. We had already
been downsizing our belongings and were packing in anticipation to move this autumn,
but now refused by authorities as they had lost all necessary paperwork for our previous
application. The stress and the disappointment caused does not even bother the relevant
departments and people responsible for this mega cock-up.We are very upset and can only
suck it up and re-apply in the hope of getting everything right on a second go. Needless to
say, we now have lost the opportunity to exchange with the family we had approached in
this matter, so their children will be disappointed and upset as well, as they now are losing
out on a lovely family home they so much were looking forward to having. All this is due
to misinformation having been given to us in our first application for a mutual exchange.
Sometimes life sucks and there is no-one taking responsibility.We are gutted. It had been
a difficult enough ride so far, trying to explain the need of downsizing belongings to an
already fragile mind. My partner has no concept of what had gone wrong and why. He is
just worried to move at all now. Unless authorities approve of his need of own bedroom
we might well be forced to accept a 1 bed property as solution, that we don`t think is fair.
We now feel that we are forced to stay in our large property that we are barely able to
manage whilst criteria for our successful move are pondered by an unsympathetic authority.
Unless we get a positive approval I will not be able to move us from where we are, and a
long fight with authorities might well be on the cards for us. Such a debilitating outcome
of events!

Making provisions for our future

We are having a better week. I could talk to DB about making plans for the future.
We decided to downsize and apply for a mutual exchange. With the clever help of
internet facilities we`d managed to look for a two bedroom flat not far from where
we live at the moment. As the 3 bedroomed house with large garden we occupy is
no longer suitable for our declining health, the other family is in need of a larger
home to raise their children, we agreed to swap properties.We had contacted
the family that lives in the flat, exchanged visits to view each others properties and
are now in the process of filling in some official forms to finalize our exchange. If
their housing association and our borough council housing office agree with our
applications to swap we should be able to move into a new home within the next
two to three months.The race is now on to de-clutter and get rid of all unnecessary
items accumulated over the last 30 years of my living here, to facilitate an easier
move to a smaller accommodation. Less will be more for an easier transition.
So far so good. DB seems excited soon to be living in a new home. I`m glad he`s
so easily persuaded to move from the house to a flat as I was having nightmares
about the whole scenario. If we can be settled in a new home where there are no
internal stairs to climb to the bedrooms DB will be easier to care for as well. I can
be relieved about it all as I`m going to be living in a flat where I no longer have to
worry about maintaining a large garden as well as looking after DB`s health or the
impact of his dementia on running a large household. Smaller accommodation will
give me more time for his care, and shall make me secure in my future when his
health will finally fail altogether. So glad we could still make this decision together.
I feel as if an awful weight has shifted from my heavy heart, and the prospect of a
new start in a new home has me jumping for joy.The third floor flat, accessible by
a lift is bright and airy, has 2 good sized double bedrooms, a reasonably sized
kitchen and a lovely living room with French doors. The view from those French
doors is quite stunning, overlooking some rooftops and gardens, with sea views
right at the end of the horizon. It will be wonderful to watch sunsets from here.
We are so very lucky to have found a family in need of our 3 bedroom house with
garden, as this makes our move so much sweeter. Knowing we give up our house
to someone that will treasure our old home and make good use of the large garden
gives me a great feeling and incentive to embrace a fresh start in a smaller home.
Onwards and upwards. New life - hopefully more comfortable life, here we come!