Personal Independence Allowance claim made stressful

We are still in the process of downsizing, but now only weeks away from completing
the eventual move to our `Forever Home`. Packing belongings, organising and buying
a few more appliances for the flat has turned out quite stressful in itself. Rick has been
trying hard to be helpful throughout it all, but is showing signs of distress with all the
changes necessary. His mood had improved when we came back from visiting his
sister in Bulgaria, but things are taking a negative turn once more as we are getting
closer to the actual move from our three bedroom house. His memory is suffering and
getting worse.
On top of it all we had to attend an assessment of his disabilities today where he was
put under an awful lot of stress, having to answer a myriad of questions about his
physical and mental abilities. Not been able to understand some of the trick questions
that were thrown at him by an unsympathetic assessor made him agitated and very
upset. The evaluation of his abilities took over an hour and his mood was getting more
and more angry by the minute. Myself and his daughter were allowed to be present, but
it didn`t seem to calm his mind having us there for moral support. Every answer was
fed into a computer form that is then sent to the Works and Pensions Department for
their approval. They will ultimately decide weather or not he is awarded his Personal
Independence Allowance or will be told that he has to apply for a job, despite of his
mental and physical problems. The assessor today had no medical background to be
able to determine Rick`s disabilities, and the decision is going to be in the hands of
pencil pushers in a separate government department. At the end of today`s session we
were ushered out of the meeting and told to await the decision to be sent to us within
the next 14 days. Rick is very confused and can not understand the waiting for the
decision to be made by someone else. We have no confidence in the benefits system
of this country and are dreading the outcome already. Nobody can see what I have to
go through every day in looking after someone with mental as well as physical
problems; and asking a mentally impaired person trick questions and questions that
are designed to entrap and confuse him will never give the full extend of his problems.
We felt quite gutted and depressed after this meeting today. Rick was left feeling
exhausted and worn out, so I had to take him straight home where he fell asleep in
his comfy armchair for several hours. The benefit, if we do ever qualify for it, would be
helpful in managing his conditions and would give us more scope in the way we can
look after his needs in the future. The stress he was put under today was, in my opinion
quite unnecessary. It left me angry and worried for our future, when we should now be
looking forward to moving to our new home.
All that I can hope for is that the home move can be made as painless and without too
much stress for Rick when we have friends help us with the move itself. Ideally, I`d
like to send Rick away for the day, so that the move itself could be swift and without
him getting worried about his precious belongings. A wish I know can not be made to
come true, nonetheless. Therefore, the moving day will also be stressful for me when
I have to take care of him as well as give a hand with moving furniture and appliances.
I wish it to be over and done with already, so not looking forward to the actual day now.

Not all is lost

Well, what can I say. Our future move to easier accommodation seemed to have been
a lost cause. Just as we were giving up all hope of ever reaching our goal, another,
option has come our way. - The family we were originally going to swap with had
found an alternative to everyone`s dilemma. They would be willing to move to a
2 bedroomed house in our area if we could promise the family from the 2 bedroom
home that our house would be available to them, thus giving us the option to still
move to the flat we wanted. In fact, a three way swap was suggested that would solve
the housing problems of three different parties in one swoop. It does sound ideal for
our needs, so we went ahead and filled out all necessary forms for our housing office,
hoping that they finally qualify us for a move to the 2 bedroom flat we wish to have.
All relevant parties would be in agreement and willing to organise a moving date that
is convenient for all. We once again have to await decisions from the authorities before
we can go ahead with further formalities, but it seems that we might finally be on the
right track, having handed in all relevant medical back-up forms to the housing office
about my partners health problems. We keep fingers and toes crossed for a mutually
beneficial outcome for all, now.
My partners cognitive problems are still under investigation as we still wait for the
results of a brain scan that was done end of May. In the meantime, he has been given
some helpful medication to address his deficiency in Folic Acid, which seem to have
improved his mood and lowered his verbal combativeness considerably. A positive
step in the right direction and a massive relieve to me, as the stress of coping with his
outbursts was beginning to take its toll on my health and wellbeing. I`m calmer now
and can cope much better with him at home. On top of this we had been treated well
by my partners two daughters. They gave him a fantastic Fathers Day and Birthday
present combined. We are going on holiday to Bulgaria to visit my partners sister.
Flights and overnight stay at a hotel connected to the airport were paid by his two
caring girls who are aware that my partner might not be able to travel much more in
the future. This way he can at least enjoy his visit to his sister as he is still physically
and mentally able to cope with such travel this year. A fabulous surprise to us both,
and we are now looking forward to this trip on the 23rd of August, spending 2 weeks
in Bulgaria with his sister and her hubby, sampling good home cooked meals and
hopefully enjoying good company and swimming in the warm waters of the Black
Sea. Hot weather is always guaranteed at that time of year, but we should be able to
cope with it well enough as his sisters house has air condition. This welcomed break
will hopefully charge our batteries so that we can then embark on a possible move to
our forever home, thereafter. It`s going to be quite a task to move with all our worldly
possessions even after a major de-clutter, so I appreciate this holiday break a lot.
So, it seems that not all was lost initially when our housing authority refused our first
application for a move to downsize. With a little bit of luck we do hope that things now
can work in our favour after all; fingers well and truly crossed!

Changes in character and eating habits

We are in the full throws of downsizing our belongings, de-cluttering and packing
whatever we are taking with us when we move to a 2 bed flat. He`s obsessed with
controlling the process of it all. I have to be careful about what goes in the bin as
he will demand that it stays even if the item is no longer needed or wanted.
It`s becoming increasingly difficult to tolerate his anger outbursts and accusations.
There is an ugly face to this dementia that has changed my loving partner into an
ever more complaining, OCD lead person, increasingly demanding and forever set
in his ways, controlling my every move, wanting to determine how things are to be
done, what I can say or do twenty four seven. It now often leaves me in tears as his
stubborn verbal combats take their toll. I long for some unity, agreeability and most
of all peace and harmony. But, I know that this is not forthcoming.
He`s losing his abilities to control his phone or manage some tasks on the computer,
repeatedly typing the wrong spellings, pressing the wrong buttons, making him more
irritable and angry as a result. He`s becoming agitated and frustrated with himself, too.
He`ll burst into verbal aggression against the phone or computer. Talking to himself
is another sign of his mental decline.
Trying to provide nourishing meals and drinks for both of us is also a struggle when
he often complains about taste and textures of meals. Whatever he used to love in
the past has now become intolerable to him. His taste buds are forever changing now,
making meal planning a nightmare scenario. I hate to waste food or money, but have
days when his dinner ends up in the bin for apparently little or no reason. It`s so very
frustrating. I wish there was a better way, but his behaviour will not let me find it.
End of June we have a doctors appointment where the result of a brain scan will be
revealed. I`m dreading the outcome already.